inprotest

Playing the Game

2007-02-21T14:11:45Z

I have come to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in life; those who play the game and those who don’t. Someone might change from one to the other over time, and when that happens the transition is so defined.

People who go from not playing to playing do so out of need, desperation, and as a last resort, come to think of it, so do people who go from playing to not playing, but let’s look at the difference, shall we?

Someone who “plays the game” knows the ins and outs of a system, knows how to work their way through it, get what they want. In all these circumstances I’m talking about doing things honestly. I believe you can manipulate the system and take advantage of your opportunities without being dishonest. This kind of person wears suits to job interviews for jobs they will never need to wear a suit to, who goes to class even though they don’t want to in order to get the education needed to have a job that will make them enough money that they can retire early and comfortably, who takes a backseat when they know they would just cause trouble and hurt themselves if they spoke out.

Then there’s the non-player – the person who will never back down, never compromise “who they are” and “what they believe in” for the man; who will stand up for themselves or you until the bitter end. This person would not give a damn about what you think about their swearing or anti-conformist fashion.

The Transition
At the end of SLC punk, when Stevo becomes a law student and says he was a poser all along, it looks as though he’s been beaten into submission; that the system has won. All the time proud people choose eating over not-eating, a home over homelessness. They swallow their pride, put on a suit, and go and give bullshit answers to some HR person who doesn’t care about them. They realize they need the system, as much as it pains them.

Then there are the whistleblowers. The ones that have been pushed to the edge by an unjust system, cracked to the point of enlightening the world to it’s own messy, self-perpetuating flaws, who won’t sit and play nice, who value what is right over what is easy and challenge those morally corrupt to ownership of actions.

The main difference between these two transitions is that in the first, one is beaten into submission and forced to swallow their pride, thus hampering the spirit and potentially devastating one’s will. The second is a push to righteousness. A freeing of the spirit, however hard that may be, they have the moral upper hand (whether or not they actually have the moral upper hand is regardless as long as they believe they do, because the belief of having the upper hand lifts a spirit).

The Compromise
As Stevo also said, “I could do a hell of a lot more damage in the system than outside of it,” and I think he’s right. People need to learn to pick their battles. Decide what you want more. What are your sacrifices worth? How do you want to live after 18? Will your education, realistically, support that? What are your passions and dreams? Do you envision a world where the oppressed are free? How much are you willing to spend on that? And where would your resources be best spent? There are people who fight their whole lives for the rights and freedom of the unrepresented by going out and working as these people, but what about the billionaires who shower money upon worthy causes, are they not also just? They who have learned to play the system have not necessarily lost all hope, but have found another.

I play poker with my friends. I am not good at it, and I don’t really understand the way the game is played, which is my own failing for refusing to pay attention to or investigate the rules, or watch for nuances in my opponents’ attributes, but I am in the game nonetheless, just as we are in the game of life. We might not be good at it, but there’s only one way out, and if we want to be honest, we have two roads. Choose yours carefully, for there are many potholes and tolls.

New World Systems

2006-12-29T02:47:11Z

Lying on the beach today with my family, my phone rings and the following ensues:

me: Hello?
on the phone: Hello, is Kate Maher there?
me: This is . . .
on the phone: Hi! This is *insert name* from New World Systems, you interviewed with us earlier this year in the spring.
me: Oh yes, I remember, how're your doing?
NWS: Well, thank you, and yourself?
me: Well. You're working today?
NWS: Yes . . . We were just wondering if you were still happy with the company you're working at?
me: Oh yes I am! Currently I'm lying on a beach in Florida!
NWS: Oh I'm jealous. Did you take a job in Florida?
me: No, I'm on vacation. I live in Ann Arbor and have a 15 minute commute.
NWS: . . . that sounds wonderful . . . well, if you ever consider switching jobs, please keep New World Systems in mind.
me: Oh I will! Thank you and have a great new year.
NWS: You too.

Not that I would even want to work for NWS, they're in Troy and have other questionable aspects, but it's nice to know I have marketable skills :)

I interviewed with this company in April . . . wow . . . ha ha ha. So if anyone's looking for a job and likes coding in Java, look them up!

choices

2006-12-23T18:40:57Z

Here is an article about a Jewish family's choice to celebrate Christmas.

I think I've finally come to accept that I can't control how other people celebrate Christmas. I realized it many years ago, but people just said to ignore it, celebrate in your own, personal way. But no one seems to accept that I hate Christmas carols, I hate "Christmas" stories, like the Christmas Carol, that I hate the trees and decorations. If I have to accept the bullshit that's constantly shoved down myh throat everyday all day for over a month, and on and off for at least six months out of the year, why can't others accept that I just want to be left alone? Why do you wish me Christmas cheer? Christmas to you isn't Christmas to me, so why should I have to be happy about it the same way you are?

I don't want to have to wait around until Christmas to be with my family or donate to charity or do whatever-the-hell else people do during 'the season.' I should do it all year around.

So here is what I propose. I will obtain a Hanukkiah. I don't know how to spell it, but it's what most people call a Menorah. And I'm going to get some pretty silver and blue candles, and light them in order. Why can't I blatantly disrespect other religious practices? I'll get a statue of Mary too . . . and something about Kwanzaa . . I'll figure it out. I'd pretend to celebrate Ramadan, but I like to eat during the day, as my protruding stomach clearly shows.

Oh but I couldn't, because I wouldn't disrespect a religion like that, but apparently since Christmas is so commercialized anyway, it's ok for others to do it. And besides, the tree was originally Pagan, right? And Christianity just took it over and brought in a bunch of Pagan rituals so it'd be easier for them to take over the world.

So either stop asking me to be happy about Christmas and sing carols, or come on over for Passover dinner. I'll be serving pork chops with clam chowder next to my nativity set under my Christmas tree with a bunch of candles lit.

People are Idiots

2006-11-29T16:56:23Z

First of all, why would you make a desk out of a pane of glass and some unsteadily stacked books.
Secondly, you're using a fucking laptop, why are you crawling under said unsturdy desk? Turn the laptop around. I won't even get further into how ridiculous this scenario is.
Thirdly, stop using comcast.

office

2006-07-28T23:41:47Z

today, matt left, and i am the new database administrator and software programmer
wow
so i have an office, with three windows, a desk that goes almost all the way around the room, a nice computer, huge monitor . . . it's nice :)
i dusted and vaccuumed and installed software and hooked everything up and took out old, unusable computers . . . it's fantastic!

forums

2006-07-19T18:47:30Z

the more i go through life,
the more i feel like i'm stuck in ender's game

self-preservation

2006-07-18T03:07:06Z

So this all started when I went camping with Brad and Lou on July 4th weekend. Brad and I shared a tent and we had this conversation about why would someone want to share a tent with someone if they’re not interested in each other and they don’t have a brother-sister relationship. Brad was saying that sometimes it’s just nice to cuddle. It gives you a chance to get to know the person, to get a little more intimate without necessarily being physical. I never understood why Zach wanted to share a tent when we went camping last year. I didn’t stay in his tent because of Gadi, but I didn’t understand why he even wanted me in his tent in the first place, we didn’t know each other that well. Then I saw two shooting stars, which of course reminding me of camping with Zach. We saw a bunch of shooting stars and he was really into astronomy, which I find absolutely beautiful. So it just started hitting me then how far back this went, how far back he was interested in getting to know me better. I was interested in him since a little while after I met him and found out he had a sense of humor and good personality. While we were camping I remember Zach putting his arm around me for a picture and feeling really awkward. I had just gotten back from a good trip with Gadi but I knew I was interested in Zach, but I was trying not to show interest because I was spoken for. However, things turned sour with Gadi rather quickly and the more Zach and I hung out, the less Gadi and I talked. They weren’t related but I was having much more fun forgetting my frustrations and being with Zach. I finally told Gadi, after much heartache, that I needed our relationship to be put off til I was in a different place in my life. Zach and I then started dating. By then of course he knew about Gadi and he’d told me he’d never had a girlfriend or had kissed a girl. I told him I didn’t want to hurt him or make him feel like I was pressuring him into anything. In retrospect, the boy was 20 years old. I shouldn’t’ve tried to protect him like that, to point out my experience, to talk down to him. I never meant it to come out like that, but that’s how I think it must’ve looked. Things should’ve flowed naturally. I had been dating Gadi for so long that I had forgotten how to grow with someone. I just started dating Zach like it was the middle of a relationship. I started by thinking that we had already reached a comfort zone, we were already close friends, but that wasn’t the case. I missed the whole growing stage because I wasn’t focused on him like I should’ve been. After graduation I left for Savannah (GA) for about 10 days. I only told my family and Peg. He called me a few days into my trip and asked if I wanted to hang out; I told him I was in Savannah. He said “There’s a Savannah, Michigan?” And I told him I was in Savannah, GA. At the time, it was perfectly ok with me to just run away from everything and spend some “me” time. Looking back, what the *fuck* was I thinking? How dare I leave the guy I’m dating and not tell him? That’s not something you do to someone you care about? There’s a certain level of accountability you have when you’re dating someone. I didn’t give him that consideration. The same thing with Oregon. Of course it was going to end because of that. In my head I needed to escape. I didn’t want to put Zach through all the shit Gadi had put me through and I had put myself through. But how dare I just leave? Not talking things over with Zach was a huge mistake. Any sensible person would’ve talked about this with someone they cared about. What was I thinking? Only of myself. And all this stuff is just occurring to me now as I look back on the past year. I do try to make myself a better person, and when I look back and try to learn from my mistakes, and at the same time learn why I lost people I care so much about, it sickens me to realize how selfish I’ve been. Two strange things though: I really didn’t know Gadi was coming out for graduation. I didn’t expect to ever hear from him again. I found out a few days before he came, and I told Zach the next night. It was really weird, the whole situation was weird. Unfortunately, again, in retrospect, Zach probably thought I was hiding this intricate relationship with Gadi that I was forced to tell him in the end, when really I was just taken aback by the whole situation. I am glad Gadi came though, because it repaired our friendship and we’re still friends, but that’s it. The second thing is that Zach never kissed me. He kissed my forehead twice, and we were very intimate in a semi-nonphysical way . . . I never understood what Willyum meant by being intimate but not physical until it was too late. It seems like Zach was my second chance from Willyum, but I didn’t learn then either. The thing is, a girl needs to know she’s desired or liked, not just told. I was so confused the whole time, wondering what I was doing wrong, and now I see just how much I was doing wrong and think that maybe if I had given Zach more of a chance he would’ve felt freer, things would’ve been more natural. I asked him a few times why we’d never kissed, but he gave me a different answer each time, which really didn’t reassure me. I am in no way trying to place blame on him for any of this, this is more of a self-preservation thing and I was so confused and a little hurt too.
Similar to Willyum, I messed that up bad too. He’s a better man than I gave him credit for. I was very clear about my intentions, but I wasn’t going to wait around for him. And that wasn’t fair to more than just him. I should’ve learned then to not be involved in any way with more than one guy. Even if one relationship is purely nonphysical. I can’t have it both ways. Yesterday I promised Peg I will never EVER date more than one guy at once, which I haven’t done since summer after freshman year. Not fair to them, not fair to me.
I hope I learned my lesson. I know I’m going make more mistakes in my life, but I hope not these ones again. It hurts me immensely to realize I was that selfish and that I hurt people I cared about so much, and I’m so sorry . . . and there’s nothing I can do to fix this.

akward

2006-06-12T03:26:45Z

i was watching the new sabrina today and there's this scene where they're on martha's vineyard and as they're having they're picture taken, harrison ford puts his arm around julia ormand, and she looks at him like 'oh my gosh, what are you doing? ok . . . i'll go with this for a while' i know exactly how she feels. i remember the first time zach put his arm around me, and the first time another friend of mind held my hand. the courage it must've taken them, and in the end their timing so poor.

i've been feeling jealous lately, and i hate that feeling. i've been trying to drown it out, reason it away and ignore it, but it's difficult. especially being jealous of my best friend. that's the worst. heh, i guess it's easier to be jealous of someone you don't like. but there's nothing i can do but be happy for her, and i am! and she's happy, so so am i.

sometimes you just don't know what's right anymore . . .

2006-06-04T05:08:32Z

do i tell someone i love very much news that they would be interested to know and kind of concerns them, or do i not tell them and save them a lot of heartache and anger and therapy? i care very much for this person and telling them might hurt them irreperably (sp?) i would never want to hurt them, but if i say nothing and they find out later, that might be worse.

always a delicate subject

crazy

2006-06-03T07:44:16Z

i think i'm going crazy

i'm in love, absolutely in love

and not at all

the past week has been interesting, scary, curious and debauchery filled
so many different men
i'm so different than i thought i was

i've learned that as hard as i try, i'm not as honest as i thought i was, and it sickens me
but i just have to be better

peg is leaving me, heh, she's going to cali, being an executive director of a coop
empress of the hippies
life's great adventure

who would've thought such grand things would happen to us? to any of us? who could've forseen how how we've reached? how low we've sunk? and isn't it exciting we get to do it all over again?

we watched this movie tonight called grandma's house or something about this 35 year old video game tester who lives with his grandma. it was funny, but would've been funnier with weed. anyway, it made me realize just how far women in the tech industry will go to fit in. how we have to match and equal the guys, and how it always comes out as flirting.

lou dobbs cancels st.patrick's day

2006-04-16T06:28:11Z

and is an ass in general
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0603/27/ldt.01.html

DOBBS: Why are all those demonstrators out there carrying Mexican flags?

MURGUIA: Well there's a sense of pride with anybody. We just had St. Patrick's Day. Are you saying that Irish, because they're holding up their Irish flags, that all of a sudden they're not loyal or they're un-American? It's a double standard to say that people from one country can wave their flag, but people who want to be Americans can wave another flag, but they're not being loyal. That's a double standard. Irish Americans...

DOBBS: ... Are you accusing me of a double standard?

MURGUIA: Well, I'm just saying.

DOBBS: Because I want you to look me in the eye and I want you to hear me loud and clear.

MURGUIA: Yes, I'm right here.

DOBBS: OK, are you ready to listen to me loud and clear?

MURGUIA: I'm here.

DOBBS: I don't think that we should have any flag flying in this country except the flag of the United States. And let me tell you something else, since we're talking about double standards and I think you're right about people who would believe that.

But let's be clear. I don't think there should be a St. Patrick's Day. I don't care who you are. I think we ought to be celebrating what is common about this country, what we enjoy as similarities as people. And as Peter Viles was reporting, talking about the culture and the heritage of their people and that's why they want to hold up the Mexican flag or Ecuadorian flag.

all alone

2006-02-10T10:24:16Z

oh my gosh
i took the last ultrastrength painkiller from when i had a sinus infection cause i'm having a lot of other pain right now (i got a vicodin perscription but i haven't filled it yet) and now i'm really freakin high and therefore horny . . . not good. and i had about 10 ounces of black cherry vanilla coke . . . so now i have caffeine too. oh my gosh. gadi left for new york, and so i'm all alone with his cats. no one i can talk to here. erin's sleeping, she has work. i can't call mel cause that household has little kids. my body is shaking, can't sleep.

harold and kumar go to white castle is the funniest movie ever.

cats.

lots of cats.

help.

and my computer died.

stolen from bluegoat143

2006-01-14T16:46:21Z

because i don't want to actually do any work right now . . .

High School Survey

1) Where did you graduate from and what year? Mercy High School 2001

2) Did you have school pride? no, i hated that piece of shit school

3) Was your prom a night to remember? indeed, about 16 couples too a trolley! it was amazing, then we had an afterparty which was a sleepover, waffles in the morning, then ann arbor to pinball pete's . . . it was a really long, great afterparty weekend :)

4) Do you own all 4 Yearbooks? yup! and a few from my senior year (and maybe my junior year). when you're on the yearbook staff, you just kind of walk away with things here and there :)

5) What was the worst trouble you ever got into? heh, the admins had a meeting with me and and my parents the summer after junior year because i had attitude problems. they said i made a bomb threat on the school (which i didn't do) and i started a letter-writing campain to get a teacher fired (which i did do). she did end up getting fired a few years later for not taking her meds . . . i eagerly await my apology letter. also, i showed up to school on the last day with my hair blue (and by showed up, i mean i was dropping my sister off because i didn't have to go and got called in, so really it was my summer vacation . . . bastards)

6) What kind of people did you hang out with? the smart excentric people, and coffey :) though i did play lacrosse, i didn't really hang out with the jocks. all i can say is calculus rules!

7) What was your number 1 choice of College in HS? University of Michigan Ann Arbor (cause i couldn't've gotten into mit)

8) What radio station did you jam out to in highschool? 89x of course. w00t erin

9) Were you involved in any organizations or clubs? yeah. yearbook, lacrosse, spanish honor society, national honor society, pep band . . .

10) What were your favorite classes in High School? calculus

11) Who was your big crush in High school? no one in particular. i dated a lot of losers in high school and some really great guys, but big crush? nah

12) Would you say you've changed a lot since highschool? yeah. i'm a lot calmer now. i still get angry a lot and dole out my wrath, but more secretively. people get scared if they know what you're up to.

13) What do you miss the most about it? my friends. as much as i hated that school, i love my mercy girls.

14) Your worst memory of HS? they had this assembly on rape and sexual abuse at an all girl school and it was poorly

15) Did you have a car? yeah! the jesusmobile or the bondagemobile, whatever you want to call it.

16) What were your school colors? gold and maroon

17) Who were your fav. teachers? scalzi and schusterbaur

18) Did you own a cell phone in highschool? yeah, when you come home past 10 most night and school is an hour away, your parents want you to have those things :)

19) Did you leave campus for lunch? senior year i did, but the cafeteria was open from like 7:30-3:30 and they had good food

20) If so, where was your fav. place to go eat? um, a bagel place i think

21) Were you always late to class? almost never, it wasn't a very big place

22) Did you ever have to stay for Saturday School? we didn't have that...

23) Did you ever ditch sat detention? Never had it

24) When it comes time for the reunion will you be there? maybe, or i'll have my own afterparty. i think that'd be fun. but if i do go, i'm sure as hell bringing a way to play 'american pie' really loud.

25) Do you wish you were still in high school? no, i love college . . . not that i'm in college . . . i wish i had a job :)

laforgetm and wet hot american summer

2005-12-26T06:58:44Z

ewwwww :)

wet hot american summer

laforgetm

holy crapulosite!

2005-12-20T03:59:38Z

although i have one exam to take left, i am confident in my ability to graduate college (that's right, i passed wcc physics!).

so i was filling out a web complaint about the umich engin site and i got to check an "alumni" box.

made me want to cry *sniff*

hell yeah!

btw: the Times (ny) recently featured an op-ed piece that includes the word "crapulosite" the article can be found here
please let me know if you know what that word means

life up til now

2005-12-12T22:36:26Z

i got a job offer at a place in farmington
it's a really good offer
i'd be one of two female coders for a guy whose mouth i'd like to wash wish soap

but i'm still waiting to hear from my first choice
ahhh teach for america
the 20th at 8pm i'll know what's in store for me

it's so weird to be almost done with college. by far the best 4ish years of my life. all the craziness, trials, adventures, but most of all Love. i'll miss it so much. ha, maybe i'll even apply to grad school :)

it's also so weird to have a part of me missing.
i don't think Gadi is coming for graduation . . .
or ever.

i don't know what happened there.

hopefully i'll get to go snowboarding or skiing over break. see coffey, maybe go to iowa and some other neat places. i'd really like to go to another country, but i want some company, and the only person up for that . . . well i just don't know

and i've moved so much in college, but now this is the final move i guess. sure there's some move in the future to where i'll live in the real world, but for now this final farewell is so sad :(

so it's been crazy here. lots of snow, lots of swimming
and now . . .

to studying!!!

ugly ugli

2005-11-15T07:40:20Z

at the ugli at 2:30 on a monday working on user manuals
damnit
i'm tired and i want to go home
and i'm cold
at least i can get a cab for free

on a side note, i think i'm going to fail my stats exam. while this sucks, i think everyone else is in the same boat as me, so not to worry . . . or should i?

if anyone is in ann arbor and still up, email me in the next 20 minutes if you want to go to fleetwoods!

inprotest @ 2005-11-13T22:48:00

2005-11-14T03:53:31Z

sometimes i miss gadi so much it hurts
he still doesn't call . . .
or im . . .
or email . . .
the only thing that's changed now is that i don't try to get him to do those things
i guess he's forgotten about me . . . so it'll be akward at thanksgiving
how heartbreaking to have someone tell you they can't stand to not even be friends with you, then show no interest in being friends with you
i haven't cried in a long time, but tonight seems like it's going to be one of those nights

how confusing to think you might spend the right of your life with someone, then to have them disappear . . . by choice . . .

today has been a weird day

2005-11-09T22:31:38Z

aside from being chronically tired and now adding on a headache, today has been full of ups and downs

up: zach does indeed like me, he's just very shy

down: got an email from a geecs advisor saying she was very unhappy about geecs having and advising session against her and the eecs departments wishes

up: talked to the eecs department and they 100% support our efforts

down/up: quit geecs, i miss it already, but am happy to take a stand against the bullshit being thrown at us

up: I GOT AN INTERVIEW WITH TEACH FOR AMERICA!!! saweet! i have my letters of recommendation, my lesson plan, and my clothes all worked out, now i just need my official transcripts

up: going to the bar tonight with steve

on a completely different note, i want to get one of those wax seals, and i want to get it with the jerusalem's cross . . . wonder where i could find that without special ordering . . .

teach for america

2005-10-31T15:06:35Z

teach for america app is submitted! please pray that if i would really be a good fit and a useful person to these students that i am accepted, and that if i'm not suited i am turned down. muwhahahahaha

graduation countdown: 48 days

stuff to do: apply to terminate lease, write a paper on maxwell's equations, recommend recruitment options to the eecs department, study software documentation methods, kicks stats ass

countdown to thanksgiving vacation: 22 days
going to nyc! going to buy tons of cheap knockoff purses for $5 muwhhahaha

also, i'm not going to worry about a job or about my research too much. i can always continue later.

also, plans for after college include:
spanish school in guatemala!!

another manic monday

2005-10-24T20:38:20Z

had a long talk with ml today
pretty much my research is falling apart. i won't get irb clearance in time to do any significant research, so now, with the semester half over, i need to redesign my reearch and do a similar topic. this of course means i'll spend most of this weekend on research, finding articles, etc, and the library using mirlyn. i hate the library, a lot. if stuff isn't online, i really don't want to know about it. also, teach for america app is due on sunday, so i need to actually finish it. this involves calculating gpas for each seperate year, and taking cc classes into account, which really i shouldn't have to do since U of M doesn't. my eye has been twitching for days, and i *have* been getting enough sleep, so i don't know what's up with it. also, this weekend involves halloween parties. my motivation is to get as much done this week so i can party at night. and i need to code for three hours every night, also a goal, cause i've been meaning to get this software done for ages, and it needs to happen asap. it's like every week i think to myself, ok, made it this far, just one more week, just one week at a time . . . and i think i'm going to drop geecs. i feel bad doing it, but really i need to do work. but of course this will be after movie night this thursday because i need to run to costco and an apple orchard etc. i guess it really is all about priorities. i really would love to do some service work. and this article in the times: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/23/education/23careers.html looks pretty appealing. learn spanish, teach english in japan. heh, also, i have little time to actually do paid work.
i know i know, here i am updating my livejournal when i should be working. teaches me to never leave my laptop power supply at home again :(
so maybe i don't need a job, maybe i can just hang out for a little while. that sounds nice.

revelation

2005-10-23T16:21:03Z

arthur dent from hhgttg is the stand in in love actually
eep!

my kitty cat

2005-10-20T21:49:21Z

affectionately name "peggy lou" after the nice lady who bought her for me! here she is!

iraq

2005-10-20T13:21:45Z

i just found out that willyum was in iraq for a few months. i guess it never occured to eric to tell me, if he even knew. but wow. in a way it puts into perspective the childishness of fights. i'm glad he's ok though.

i hear nick is still safe. yay!

things change

2005-10-19T18:46:53Z

gadi and i are taking a break
gadi needs to figure out where he wants Judaism in his life
and i need to graduate
so this time apart will help us see our lives to where we need them to be
but i'm still going out to nyc for thanksgiving
and he's still coming out for graduation

i was talking to zach last night and it finally hit me how much i have to do before i graduate. i felt like collapsing and crying . . . how much i've accomplished, but that in the career scheme of things, it won't matter til i get that stupid piece of paper worth $70,000

and i still don't know what i want to do. i'm definiately applying to teach for america (due 10/30) and google (due 10/20) and i have an interview for a company in michigan on 11/11. it seems like such a waste to take a job though. so much of the world is left to explore, and a job will just hold me back. i should also probably take the GRE and apply to some teaching schools. all i want to do is spend these last few months with friends and concentrate on fun ;) alas, i have an insane amount of work to do. i have to write two research papers, neither of which i think can be done because of circumstances beyond my control.

i got a kitty cat though. pictures to come!